Well that's all I feel I can do.
Around 8000 farmers committed suicide in 2015 in India. A reason for that was individual debt ranging from $5 (INR 300) to $8,000 (INR 5,00,000). A common man with more than $4,000 (INR 2,50,000) in his bank account is grilled rigorously by the income tax department. A single well-networked individual defrauded the state banking system of an alleged $1.8 billion (don't even want to convert that to INR). I really am clueless as to how we define scale, ethics or accountability in India anymore. Frankly, the way our country values life and money leaves a deep aftertaste of disgust. Do taxpayers in India know what is it exactly that they fund? We have become a hapless country with regards to corruption/cronyism/misconduct/whatever you want to call it. I think this corruption is ingrained - growing up we have all learnt to pay 'white bribes' to avoid traffic tickets, to speed up the processing of an official document, to avoid having to wait in the queue at a government office, etc. Is it okay to say that in our country nothing works without a bribe, so our actions are justified? When does a small or 'harmless' bribe become toxic? Is a bribe ever small? Can we all safely hashtag #IBribeToo ? I feel extremely angry today. As I am sitting in my newly set-up office, waiting for access to this database, my mother sends me a couplet which talks about how books feel ignored because of our gradual yet drastic switch to the computer. I feel really nostalgic about the smell of old books, libraries and summer vacations. I've decided to get back to picking books off the shelf again.
Here's a tiny list of habits I THINK we should never grow out of, no matter how much technology advances: 1. Reading printed books (Not e-books) 2. Calling friends and family on their birthdays (no texting, social media wishes etc.) 3. Shopping at the super market for basic day to day groceries (Not online) 4. Watching movies at the cinema (instead of always watching them on Netflix) 5. Calling up your mum for recipes, basic hacks (not YouTube for how do I remove that stain) 6. Not using Wikipedia, google for simple things (it is okay to not know everything and be surprised when somebody shares knowledge with you) 7. Taking a stroll (why do we always need to walk so fast all the time!! Give me a break) Please, please agree on at least some of them? I saw Schindler's List a week back and I told myself again: Why have I not watched some of the best movies in the world-time Venn diagram! Of course, there were lots of tears, a broken heart, praises for Neeson, Fiennes and Kingsley, two days of research on all characters, but the most profound impact was that it left this immense sense of helplessness in me.
How as humans, we just let things happen, wait for 100 years to pass, let wounds heal and then make history out of the most inhumane things we do. Yes, all of us! Why can't we just stop things when we see it, instead of feeling remorse later? I believe this lagged reaction costs us a lot and we must find a way to correct it. Maybe just realize it? Maybe the movies can help! I was reading a blog someone wrote about Calcutta and I had the feeling again. This feeling of 'how missing Calcutta is a feeling that only I can have'. I feel possessive- nobody else can like Chai in office area, or the Bengali style samosa, or kachori-sabzi at Sharmas.
Food triggers off so many other feelings- immense nostalgia and melancholy. This sadness of being away from home- my lane, the hoardings, the traffic all seem to beckon me. This feeling of want, of being so far yet so close, is like a rush of adrenalin. I wait patiently for the journey from the airport to home, to see faces I love the most and to eat food that I crave all year long. Conclusion: Calcutta is not a city, Calcutta is not home, Calcutta is a feeling. A feeling that is close to my heart and locked up just for me. It is a feeling that makes me happy. |